March 10th, 2010
What is your silver lining?
Reflecting on gratitude put me in such a good frame of mind this week that I wanted to call out to everyone to ask for your silver lining stories…
What exactly are silver lining stories, you may ask (though it may be obvious). These are the “I thought it was bad-but-it-turned-out-good” moments in life; the times that we thought we had failed only to later realize that what had happened was much better than we could have ever planned for ourselves; moments where we feel that our lives have truly been touched by something divine.
Theoretically, we will create a treasury of your silver lining stories…with your help, of course.
For those of us who are on the spiritual path, I think the idea of a silver lining goes deeper than just our usual cultural proverb. The silver lining applies to us personally, as human beings. I have often noticed about myself–and therefore put it out there as a possible generalization to be made–that the things which I think are my greatest downfalls are actually, when put into a more balanced light, my best qualities.
You all know the usual kind of dribble and commentary that the mind engages in…we seem to have an endless supply of self-criticism (coupled, ironically, with self-centeredness and often self-righteousness)…I’m too sensitive, too intense, too this, too that…(fill in the blanks with your own mental dribble–and yes, dribble is probably the best word for it).
When I was young, growing up Catholic in the suburbs of Denver, I found most things about my life to be mentally and emotionally troubling. I was sensitive, intense, very intelligent, and in many way different from my peers. I constantly sensed that I was different, and looking back I know that I was different–I always seemed to be thinking about things that my peers weren’t concerned with. I felt that I spoke a different language, almost. For so many years, I wished these aspects of my personality would disappear so that I could find it easier to relate with other people.
Actually, it is only since I’ve gotten older that I realized that I had this in common with many other children and also many adults–the emotions of lonliness and wanting to belong are emotions that we share with others. In any case, now so much later in life, I feel that these very qualities have turned out to be my silver lining. Sensitivity and intensity serve me well as a writer, in my career as a lawyer, in my role as a translator, and my (other) role as facilitating a sangha and working with Anyen Rinpoche’s dharma students. It is like finding a buried treasure–or even something more wonderful than that because it is actually something I knew I had all along, yet did not appreciate or understand. Yes, there is work to be done on ourselves, but isn’t it wonderful to know that we already have what we need to blossom right there inside of us already?
Perhaps this is called emotional ripening. It has to do with the expression of bodhichitta in all directions–not only towards the other beings in our lives, but also towards ourselves. This seems to go hand-in-hand with the confidence and realization that as human beings, we are inherently good, no matter how it seems at any given moment. That doesn’t mean that we are perfect at this point…but it does mean we are an awfully good work in progress.
In general, this way of thinking seems very in line with the Secret Mantrayana teaching that instructs us to transform the afflictive emotions to wisdom. This teaching presents the afflictive emotions as an expression of energy, which, when perfectly liberated (maybe for our non-Buddhist readers we could just say “brought into balance”) express as one of five kinds of wisdom. I like to think of my life, thoughts and emotions as fodder for wisdom.
What a great word, by the way.
Allison
www.anyenrinpoche.com
